I am not going down without a fight.✨

Hey everyone! I know I am the most inconsistent blogger anyone might have ever seen, but it is how it is, can’t do anything about that. Anyways this blog is not about my clumsy self. This is a very special one and I hope it turns out the way I want it to.

Three years ago on this day I entered a very weird phase of my life. Irrespective of my physical condition, I am gonna talk about how I changed as a person. I was just like any other ordinary girl with almost no goals in life. My education meant almost nothing to me. I was living in a fantasy world where everything was gold and glittery. But this phase grabbed me out of that imaginary world and exposed me to the reality, which wasn’t really good I must say but it is definitely worth being realistic. I used to believe that everyone around me is sincere with me and they love me and I mean a lot to them etc. but it was not quite like that.

My disability changed me physically but people’s behaviour changed me emotionally. Initially everything was pretty bearable because to be honest I felt like this is just a temporary illness and probably I will be fine after sometime but to my surprise God had planned something else😑. I was a complete different person which I realized after some time but they realized it instantly and therefore they distanced themselves from me. They felt embarrassed walking next to me, they had no time to hear about how miserable I felt, they didn’t care how it felt to be left out. There were times when I used to sit on a sofa for hours, alone and frustrated, thinking WHY ME? WHY GOD DECIDED TO MAKE ME SUFFER? WHY IS GOD BEING MEAN TO ME? or at times I used to get so irritated ending up saying IS THERE ANY GOD FOR REAL?. That painful phase lasted for quite a bit until I got tired and then I started searching answers to my questions. The first thing that I found out was that there is DEFINITELY A GOD😂. And He had planned all of this because GOD GIVES HIS TOUGHEST BATTLES TO HIS STRONGEST SOLDIERS. Yeah pretty embarrassed I was that such uncultured mite I am, GOD is giving me a chance to be different, to be unique and here I am crying like an idiot😑, disappointing I know. So after GOD taught me some good lessons, I started working on my own self. I thought why I want to be with people who don’t want to be with me, and therefore I learnt to live alone😏, and it feels so good😂. I made new friends in the form of books and I made the greatest friend anyone would ever want GOD who listens to my nonstop venting🌝. The most difficult thing to accept was that I am not able to do certain things which took a lot of time, prayers and mental breakdowns but at last I accepted that I was different and it made things much easier for me.😇

I am a complete different person then I was three years ago and I don’t know if I like this version of myself more than the previous one but One thing I am sure about is that I am a more stronger, motivated, determined and emotionally independent person. And most importantly I AM NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT😉.

Published by Javeria Anwaar💫

I love writing ❤ Come have a look.😊

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